And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
