i may or may not be watching the land before time
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
