M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
