apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
