hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
