I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
