So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
