I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
