i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
