.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
