I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
