Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
