Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
