I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
