My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
