we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
