She is in my trunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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