Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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