Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
