Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
