Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize