you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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