I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
