So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
