I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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