My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
