I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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