My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
