when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
