Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
