I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize