I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
