watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
