So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
