I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize