As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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