so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
love makes seman taste better
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
