why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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