I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
