You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
