I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize