Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
