not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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