I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
