he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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