I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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