We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
