Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize