My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
