Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
