at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
