last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
