I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
