I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
