And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think your dad took our porno
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
