This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
