Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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