If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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