he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
