I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
