Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
