It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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