3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
