And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
