If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
