As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
