1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
