Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
