I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize