I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
