The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
