they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
