is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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