she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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