Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
