Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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