i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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