Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
