I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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