fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
