if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
