I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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